the wait.

I was in the car with my mom today, and I started talking about something that came up a few days ago. All I could say was "I can't believe it." She stared at the road in front of her, and I thought I'd try expanding. "I," I started," I... can't believe it." Really, there wasn't anything else I could say. I really couldn't believe it.

I'm going to see Conor Oberst (of Bright Eyes, though this is going to be a solo tour) November 8th and 9th. I found out he was playing in New York City the day the dates were posted, and the tickets went on sale the next day. I'm there in 4 months.

His are the songs I love for the lyrics that tell the most beautiful stories. I don't know how I am going to cope with the four month wait. I made a mixtape for the car recently, and after I bought tickets to the shows, whenever one of his songs played, I didn't know what to do with myself. I was actually going to meet the mind behind the melodies. I am still in shock. And I'll probably stay in shock until... I don't know. I don't see myself believing it even at the show.

Really, that's all I wanted to say. My disbelief. It all just happened so fast. One night I learned of the shows and the next day tickets went on sale. And I got them. And now, we wait.

June 22, 2008

There are times I want to dance and scream my favorite songs on the top of my lungs, feel the beat reverberating in my entire body. I'd make an idiot out of myself in those moments. But they only come in times when I don't have anyone to dance with. Sometimes I feel like going out and asking someone to dance with m

Then there are people who when you start to make a fool of yourself, others staring with narrowed eyes, whisper, "You look like an idiot."

You look like an idiot.

Isn't that it? The point. Isn't that the point? That I don't care. I am rarely carefree, and the moment comes along, and you tell me I look like an idiot? In this precise moment, I don't care. I simply don't. Yet, I give in. "Okay, I'll stop."

Okay, I'll stop.

The person I'm looking for is someone who let's me be that person that doesn't care what others think. It's just for a brief moment that I open myself up and I wish I could be that person more. I don't open up, period. I don't like to talk about my feelings. I don't like to talk about my thoughts. Not the ones that really matter in life, anyways. Everything I do say (and post) in public is crazily vague or something less important than something that makes me cry. Crying is too much of a weakness to me. Naked. I feel naked.

Naked.

All I can hope for is to find someone who will hold me when I can't hold it in any longer. And I'm grateful for the friends who let me crack open for a brief moment.

Dance with me. In bright lights where everyone can see. And let's scream on the top of our lungs.

not really much of an introduction.

The problem with people is they can't see that everyone is having a hard time. We don't listen, we don't care, we don't bother. Why? Because our problems are obviously worse than anyone else's. And I'm not being sarcastic. As cliche as this may sound, it's all relative. For someone who was spoon-fed their life, the slight dent in the silverware might be a problem. While others don't even have a spoon to dent. So what's that dent to them? But we can't judge others' problems.

I read a postsecret recently: "Be kind - for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

As annoyed as you might be at someone complaining about their grain of sand of a situation, they might not have known worse. Are they to ignore what is wrong? No, the essence of human life is feeling. Feeling things like love, hate, anger, happiness, worry, fear, sadness, and a whole range in between. We have this range of emotion not so we can escape the monotony of a constant happiness. What is it to be happy when you have known nothing else?

There are people with bigger and smaller problems. But to that one person, their one problem is bigger than anything anyone could ever imagine. And you don't know what they're going through. You only know you. So it's best we get to know someone, be kind to them, and help them out, no matter the state of their spoon.

On a sidenote, today, the 26th of May, I purchased nail polish the closest I could ever get to my favorite color (TEAL!). Since the website's color swatch is does not do the color justice, all I can say is that it looks like this. And metallic. Wonderful, isn't it? No one makes teal colored nail polish. Turned Up Turquoise is the closest they get.